Thursday, September 24, 2009

CB's Browns Watch - Reviewing Week 2

I'll say today, four days after the game, what I said 45 minutes after the game ended on Sunday: Republicans are about as good at running the Browns offense as they are running the country.

If you didn't see the game Sunday, I'll spell it out for you: both are very, very bad.

Like last week, time is a commodity I'm low on right now, what with a crazy heap of work on my plate and a move I'm way far behind on preparing for next week. [That's right, the Cleveland (Heights) Bachelor will, this time next week, once again officially be the Cleveland Bachelor, no parenthetical nuance required, courtesy of my move to what right now appears to be the dingiest pleasure pad I've lived in since my senior year in college.]

So, given the temporal limitation, I'll once again return to bullet points. This is the height of hypocrisy for me, in that I absolutely reject anything done in bullet points to cross my desk at work, but whatever. Here it is:

1) For the second week in a row, Quinn sucked. He really sucked. Last week he had garbage yards in the fourth quarter to make his stats look nearly mediocre. This week, not so much. He passed for less than 150 yards, threw a pick and gave up a fumble, and had an overall QB rating of below 60. These are the kind of numbers you roll your eyes at if your third string QB puts them up after the two fellas ahead of him on the depth chart have gone down to injury. These are not numbers for a starting quarterback in the NFL. Brady's response: He has to play better. No shit, RWB. Now, a lot of people don't listen to my anti-Quinn ranting, given the fact that as much of my rejection of his role as our field general is based on his frat boy-esque douchebaggery and his ridiculous political beliefs as it is on the fact that he has a noodle arm and poor option read skills. But this guy at the Cleveland Leader condemns RWB and the managerial stasis that promotes him for no such ideological/anti-douchebag reason. Check that link out - it is a solid argument based in recent Browns history and logic.

2) The fact that RWB is our QB is only 1/2 of the problem our passing game faces. OK - 75%. But the other 1/4-1/2 of it is due to the fact that we just can't run the ball. At all. I'm not sure where to place the blame for this - I really don't want to blame the offensive line, as we have a pretty good one on paper and every scout that matters has said that the one obvious target for criticism - our rookie center - improved measurably this game over the previous. I dunno, but when you gain only 143 yards on 41 carries, it isn't very hard for a pro defense to key on an already weak quarterback.

Also, 143 yards on 41 carries ... that's mediocre for an NFL team to put up in a game. Unfortunately, right now mediocre would be a serious upgrade. Those rushing numbers are the combined total over the past two games. We suck that bad. So bad, even Philadelphia feels bad for us (and the people living there have no soul!), as evidenced by this article, incredibly charitably titled "Mangini, Browns off to rough start." Seriously? "Rough Start"? How about "Mangini, Browns utterly bankrupt in game planning and implementation skill"?

And it won't be improving any time soon, now that Jamal Lewis is missing practices for a bad hamstring, which complements nicely rookie James Davis's shoulder injury. Thank god for Larry Vickers. Oh boy.

(Editor's note: After looking back at that link, I realized the article was actually an AP story, which takes away the whole Philly factor. However, I'm lazy AND pressed for time, and I don't have enough energy or cleverness to come up with a better hook right now, so I'm gonna leave it. Besides, the fans in Philly really are soulless.)

3) It's gonna get worse - a lot worse - before it gets better. Next week we play the Ravens. The Ravens are good this year. Really good. We are in trouble. Right now, the best thing we can hope for is that RWB breaks his leg. Not that I wish physical pain on anyone, even douchebag Republican bad quarterbacks, but the folks in Berea are just not smart enough to bench this hack and a broken leg is the only way we are gonna get him off the field and keep him off the field for the duration of the season. Right now, rather than address the obvious, major personnel problems, the Browns front office has been tinkering at the margins of the roster, releasing TE Rucker and WR Leggett and signing DB Floyd. Given our ineptitude when it comes to signing and retaining players, is it any wonder agents are allegedly steering their clients away from us?

But back to the Ravens. Remember how I pointed out in bullet #2 that we can't run the ball? Well, the Ravens are only giving up 41 yards a game to the rush. We certainly won't be able run against them. Or pass. Or stop them when they try to do either.

We are in some serious trouble, friends.

Photo (above) information: Cleveland Browns' Brady Quinn (10) is sacked by Denver Broncos' Elvis Dumervil (92) during the fourth quarter of a NFL football game Sunday, Sept. 20, 2009, in Denver. Denver beat Cleveland 27-6. (AP Photo/ Jack Dempsey )

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