Wednesday, January 28, 2009

mutha-flippin' ugh

OK - I give up. It is now 5:38 AM, and after 4+ hours of tossing and turning and staring wide-awake at my ceiling, I'm just getting my ass out of bed and starting my day. I have no clue why I couldn't sleep this night, but in my quasi-scientific mind I have a strong hunch it was a function of the confluence of the following factors: (a) I "accidentally" (i.e., stupidly) ingested way too much caffeine after 3 PM yesterday, (2) my socks are too small, yet I still broke my "no socks to bed" practice (hey, it was either socks or long pants and I figured I'd mix it up a bit), and (III) my nuts hurt. That last one is probably terribly inappropriate and perhaps gag-inducing to report, but it is true, and only those afraid of the truth refuse to follow where science leads them. Uh, right?

Anyway, that caffeine thing is certainly part of it - for whatever reason, all of a sudden about 4 years ago my ability to ingest caffeine dropped precipitously. A cup of coffee nowadays totally rocks my nervous system, whereas I used to be able to drink pots of the stuff and still fall asleep on cue. Only recently was I even able to start drinking much coffee again, as for the last couple years it gave me a terrible stomachache. Now that doesn't happen, though that could be because I pour a shit-ton of cream in every cup.

Nevertheless, I think the socks thing might be a better culprit to blame. I've had this particular 3-pack of dress socks I bought a few years ago now from a top-of-the-line men's clothier, and ever since have been torn between absolute love for the soft yet durable feel and the fact that they make my feet go numb after about 6 hours. It only dawned on me this morning - seriously - that the reason they make my feet go numb after a few hours of wear is because THEY ARE TOO SMALL! Seems totally obvious, right? Not to me, apparently. It took me years and probably literally hundreds of instances of self-inflicted circulation deficiencies to learn this little lesson. They call me Dr. CB, folks, but apparently for no reason. Or not much of one.

As for the nuts thing, who knows. I believe in seeking out causal linkages, particularly when none actually exist. It is possible, I guess, that the caffeine caused the nut pain, but I'm leaning toward a too-small-socks and uncomfortable groin hypothesis. At this stage, it is still only the most uninformed speculation, since I may be a doctor, but I'm not that kind of doctor (despite what I let the pretty lady at the local pizza joint think when I pick up my $5 Tuesday world pizzas each week - yeah BOGO!).

Anyway, I'm up and at 'em for now. Today is one of those days where I actually need to produce a lot of "real" writing, and have scheduled myself to be sitting at home, working at the dining room table, getting it done. In other words, I'll probably end up having lunch twice, watching a couple episodes of Charmed, and posting a few more times here. Hasta.


Kelly and José said...

This was an interesting read :) I hope you have since been able to sleep better/easier. I have had my own issues with caffeine as well -- green tea even affects my ability to sleep here and there. . .

As for those pains you were having -- consuming excessive amounts of soy has been proven to cause that. However, knowing how much you loathe tofu (etc.) I doubt that this is the culprit. You'd be surprised how much stuff soy is actually in though*


CB said...

Interesting, huh? I know what that means...

I knew it - tofu is the devil! And I haven't even been eating any. I bet it was like a delayed second-hand smoke thing from your tofu at brunch. I can't believe you did that to me! I thought we were friends!

Mel said...

There you go being all crazy again.

But seriously, I kept this post in my reader to laugh again this morning. It is that hilarious.

CB said...

What, Mel - crazy?!

Last time you just said I was being creepy, now I'm crazy, too?!

OK - point taken.

I'll try harder.